Before continuing reading you should ask yourself this question – would he/she want me to continue grieving their loss or would they want me to honor their memory (when they were healthy and alive)?
Often, there are two scenarios that play out when we are experiencing grief. Many times, when we are thinking about the loss of a loved one, we see in our mind’s eye that person being far away from us and we can no longer feel the closeness or connection that we had before the loss of this loved one. The second scenario often involves unpleasant memories associated with the memory of our loved one.
I was grieving my mother’s death for a few weeks after she passed away with pancreatic cancer in 1994. When I thought of my mother I saw her in my mind’s eye with me. I saw both of us in her bedroom with her in her deathbed a few days before the ravages of cancer took her life. I was an observer. I also when I imagined my mother she was over twenty feet away from me. I then realized that in order to fully appreciate the past memories of my mother, I needed to make a change to this and other negative memories in my mind. This is what I did:
1. For this traumatic memory I put a frame around the picture and moved it 50 feet away. I then brightened the picture until it was a bright light and moved it further and further away until it became just a far away bright dot. I then counted to 5 and blew up the dot into a billion pieces. This worked for me; however, some people will have to use the NLP Trauma/Phobia Cure on this blog to desensitize the traumatic memory.
2. I then remembered a nice memory of us together and I stepped into that memory, I saw what I saw then through my eyes then and felt what I felt then (1st position).I did this with five more pleasant memories. Now when I think of her, she’s healthy, she is either within five feet of me or in one of those pleasant memories with me in 1st position (in my body seeing her).
3. Also never use the observer position on a pleasant memory that you had with a deceased loved one. It will cause you to feel the terrible loss feeling (grief) rather than the good feelings you had at the time (see my earlier post 3rd up from the bottom of the page of the blog).
4. Now you can imagine your loved one very close to you when you think of her/him.
This was and is my grief procedure that I have used on myself and others. I hope it brings you some peace.