WARNING: This Is About Sexual Abuse
This 9-minute podcast shares my journey of uncovering and healing a 48-year-old repressed memory through a therapy session using the “Clean Language” method:
When I was a teenager in the 1960s I remember walking out of a movie titled, “ A Town Without Pity” during a rape scene. I always avoided movies that I knew that had these types of plots.
In 1996, while watching the film ‘A Time to Kill,’ based on John Grisham’s novel (that I hadn’t read), with my 16-year-old son, a scene depicting a young girl being assaulted caused me to have a psychotic experience. We had to leave the cinema. I found myself dissociating, overwhelmed by numbness and uncontrollable sobbing for over two hours.
Thankfully, I had access to a highly competent therapist Donna Weber with whom I had been exchanging “Clean Language” therapy sessions. We managed to conduct a ‘Clean Language’ therapy session over the phone that same evening (see transcript below).
I recalled a memory of being molested by my grandfather around the age of three or four. The most harrowing part of the memory was his threat to kill my mother if I ever disclosed what he had done.
In the weeks following the successful therapy session, I was in denial about the authenticity of this memory. Gradually, I began to recognize that my grandfather’s actions likely contributed to my father’s alcoholism and his fits of rage. In our final conversation, a year before his passing, my father confessed to consuming over half a gallon of vodka daily. He passed away at 49. I also came to realize that at least two of his sisters struggled with prescription drug abuse. Moreover, my grandfather was a member of the KKK.
In 2016, I went on the internet site ‘23andMe’ to get my DNA test results. I found a second cousin on the site that had been unknown to me. In our conversation, I found that her grandfather was raised by my grandparents from the ages of 1 to 12. He was my grandmother’s younger brother by 20 years. He told my cousin’s father that he had been sexually abused by my grandfather.
He ran away when he was 12 years old, after he had been tied to a tree and bullwhipped by my grandfather. He never returned, and years later, because of his traumas, he became an alcohol abuser. He died of a heart attack at the young age of 42.
It was as if her grandfather never existed in the Matheny family. My father nor any members of his family ever mentioned him. I believe the saying, ‘people are only as sick as their secrets,’ applies in this case.
My father didn’t have a chance! My extreme animosity towards my father dissolved shortly after the below phone session:
The 1996, Clean Language Phone Session With My Therapist (Donna):
Therapist: “Go to a time before 3. How old could you be when you were safe?”
Me: “About 2”
Therapist: “Would 2 be interested in helping around age 3 if he had a helper? It could be an animal, an object, a person, a symbol, or anything?”
Me: “Dumbo.” (Dumbo was a classic animated film by Disney. The story follows a young elephant named Jumbo Jr., nicknamed “Dumbo” due to his large ears. Initially ridiculed for his appearance, Dumbo discovers that his ears allow him to fly, turning his perceived weakness into a unique strength. My 51-year-old self didn’t pick Dumbo. My 2 to 4-year-old self did!)
Therapist: “Would about 2 and Dumbo be interested in going to about 3?”
Me: “Yes.”
Therapist: “And what would they like to do?”
Me: “They go flying together!”
Therapist: “And how long would they like to fly for?”
Me: “A long time.”
Therapist: “And what happens after a long time?”
Me: “They come down.”
Therapist: “And how old could he be?”
Me: “About 12.”
Therapist: “And what would he like to do?”
Me: “Go to his mother.”
Therapist: “And can he go to his mother?”
Me: “Yes, it is safe.”(My grandfather died when I was 11 years old. It wasn’t safe for my mother until he wasn’t in the picture)
Therapist: “Can he grow up with his mother to the current age?”
Me: “Yes!
Therapist: “Are they on the inside or outside of your body?”
Me: “They are safe on the inside of me.”
End of session:
I happened to be in a bookstore a week after this session and I looked for the book, “Dumbo, The Flying Elephant”.When I found the book, I sensed a feeling of peace and appreciation for the good work that Dumbo, and my therapist did for me and my younger self.
Around 2009, I added a modification to this Clean Language therapy intervention by accessing the state of “Peace”within the intervention. I call this new intervention, “Back To The Future”.
https://clintmatheny.com/back-to-the-future-part-1-healing-anxiety-panic-attacks/
clint77090(at)gmail.com