Transforming Your Inner Dialogue – Practice Compassion Towards Yourself And Be Your Own Best Friend:
This is an 11-minute “Deep Dive” Podcast on how to be your best friend:
Many of us experience a constant stream of inner dialogue, while others may have very little. Let me guide you on how to refine this inner conversation.
Let’s begin with a narrative. Many years ago I led a workshop titled “Interpersonal Behavior” for the government agency, the FAA. On the third day of this week-long workshop, one participant, a woman, confided that she struggled with the progressive relaxation exercise I had taught the class due to a persistent critical voice in her head. This voice, she revealed, was reminiscent of her mother’s disapproving tone.
Through the exercise that follows, we discovered that this voice, though critical, its aim was aimed to make her a better person. After agreeing to adopt a more nurturing tone for a two week test, the woman embarked on a transformative journey. Even others in the workshop noticed that she was more outgoing although they were not aware of the work she had done on her internal voice.
A month on, I reached out to her, coincidentally just as she had sent me a letter. Curious, I inquired about its contents. She explained that after a brief return of the critical voice after two weeks, she had grown weary of its negativity. In a moment of frustration, she demanded it shut up! To her surprise, it did. What had once been a harsh and berating inner dialogue transformed into a supportive and gentle presence, empowering her instead of holding her back.
The Exercise:
Tune into your internal monologue as you envision offering a genuine compliment to a friend or loved one. Pay attention to the voice’s volume, tone, location in space, and pace. Now, direct a compliment towards yourself, noting these same qualities. Which voice resonated more with you? If it was the encouraging voice you used for the other person, internally request this part of you to adopt this nurturing tone moving forward. Express gratitude to this aspect of yourself using the same warm voice.
Over three decades ago, I underwent this very process, and since then, I’ve maintained a harmonious relationship with myself, never succumbing to self-anger, even amidst mistakes.
Should you encounter a self-critical voice, engage with it. Inquire about its positive intentions, which are often rooted in positivity, such as personal betterment or protection. Your internal voice always has a positive intention! Encourage this voice to guide you with constructive actions rather than what not to dos. Request that it employs an affirming tone for future guidance.
If this approach doesn’t resonate with you at present, consider the alternative adopted by my workshop attendee. You might also explore altering the perceived physical location of the voice. Move the voices locations ( front, left , right, and change distance -10 feet away. Remember 99% of the time there is a positive reason that your internal voice is with you!
This is an excellent 7-minute video by the great Steve Andreas (1935-2018) on this subject:
The Spin Procedure is effective in changing your response to the voice:
https://clintmatheny.com/dynamic-spin-procedure/
Clint77090(at)Gmail.com