Have you ever asked yourself that question? Most people have not and the answer to that question has a great impact upon relationships. My wife Laurie, introduced me to a best selling book called “The 5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman and it opened my eyes to the evidence that I was not consciously aware of. They are:
- Physical Touch such as a hug, a hand on the shoulder, cuddling, sex. For people who use Touch as their primary love language, not being touched can feel like punishment, and getting pushed, slapped, hit, or sexually abused can be especially traumatic.
- Words of Affirmation such as “I love you,” “It means a lot to me when you tell me you love me,” or “You are a wonderful friend.” For people who use this convincer, hearing harsh words and criticism quickly drain their emotional gas tank.
- Quality Time means spending time together, often doing something one or both people value. If your partner loves hockey and you hate it, and they use the Quality Time love language, going to a game with them because they value it could mean a lot to them. Not spending time together depletes people who use this love language.
- Acts of Service can be done with the loved one, or apart from them — the easiest way to distinguish this convincer from Quality Time. Harmful actions emotionally drain people who prefer this love language.
- Gifts: people with this love language make a big deal out of even small gifts. They talk about them, show them off, display them. Not getting gifts — especially on occasions where they might expect them — drains these people.
Many relationships have ended because one or both partners did not receive the evidence they needed from the other person to know they were loved. We have a tendency to use our two most important “Languages of Love“ when we try to express our love to the other person; however, if neither one of our top two Languages of Love are the others person’s top two Languages, neither person will have evidence that they are loved. It’s only after we know our two most important Languages and the other important person’s, then both can provide the evidence of being loved. If the other person’s Languages are not yours, you will have to make a conscious effort on a long term basis.
After you open the PDF below, write down on a piece of paper your alphabetical (A-E) answers and then total each evidence of being loved. If you have a partner, make two printed copies of the PDF and exchange them after both of you have filled them out. Here is the test that takes less than 5 minutes in the PDF:
PS: Laurie helped me on this post 😍