Do not think of a pink elephant with white spots!

Was it a large or small pink elephant with white spots? Despite my instruction not to think of it, you likely visualized it anyway. That’s because our brains struggle with processing negations.

This is a 9 minute audio “Deep Dive”. Listen with new ears:

When it comes to technology—our smartphones, computers, and smart devices—commands are clear and direct: “Enter,” “Power On,” “Add,” or “Subtract.” These instructions tell a machine exactly what to do, avoiding the ambiguity that negations introduce. Yet, in human communication, we frequently frame our thoughts in negative terms, often with unintended consequences.

Why Do We Speak in Negations?

From childhood, we’re conditioned with phrases like:

– “Don’t spill your milk.”

– “Don’t run into the street.”

– “Don’t fall.”

– “Thou shall not …” How many of the 10 Commandments are negations (see at the bottom of the post)

Ironically, these warnings often lead to the very actions they aim to prevent. When we hear “Don’t spill your milk,” our brain focuses on the act of spilling rather than preventing it. In contrast, positively framed instructions—“Hold your cup carefully,” “Play in the yard,” or “Step carefully”—are more effective because they create mental images of the desired behavior.

Be Careful What You Wish For

The way we phrase our thoughts shapes our reality. Compare these two statements:

– “I don’t want to die.”

– “I want to live.”

Notice how each one feels different in your mind’s eye. The first still fixates on “dying,” while the second reinforces “living.” This subtle shift in framing can have a profound impact on motivation, emotions, and outcomes.

Similarly, research suggests that suppressing thoughts can make them even stronger—a phenomenon known as the White Bear Problem (where trying not to think about a white bear makes it impossible to stop). Instead of resisting a thought, it’s often more effective to replace it with a positive alternative.

Practical Strategies for Clearer, More Positive Communication

Want to break the habit of speaking in negations? Use these approaches:

1. Use Positive Language – Instead of “Don’t spill your milk,” say “Hold your cup carefully.” Instead of “Don’t be late,” say “Be on time.”

2. Visualize the Outcome You Want – Picture what you’d like to happen, then express it in words that reinforce that vision.

3. Reframe Discomfort – When experiencing pain or stress, imagine a scale from 1 (comfort) to 10 (extreme pain). Instead of focusing on “less pain,” direct your thoughts toward “more comfort” and work toward it.

Was it a large or small pink elephant with white spots?

BTW- That picture of the “DO NOT PASS” sign at the beginning of this post is an example of a dangerous negation that kills or injures thousands of Americans every year. In contrast, other countries use a more directed sign:

Eight (8)

Do not have fun, 😉

Clint77090@Gmail.Com