Twenty- five years ago during a client therapy session the client asked me not to use the word “You” when asking him questions. I got curious and asked him , “so when I say “You”where is your “You”? Is your “You” inside or outside of your body? He answered, “it’s in my stomach “!
When we are children many times our caregivers will make derogatory statements to our “You” and for protection we have our “You” outside of our bodies. Statements like, “Look what “You” did”! Unfortunately, the client above was also physically abused and he had a metaphorical 🥾 boot in his stomach. So where is your “You”?
Over the years I have further expanded my questions to questioning where people’s I, their first name, nicknames, their me, myself, ands spirit are located. Many of us are somewhat fragmented. Their locations can be moved to allow enhancement of experiences of being a human being.
So what? Well, the locations of these identities either gives you a sense of self or a lack of self. If your “You” is outside of your body, you are better able to accept criticism; however, when you are told , “I love “You”, there aren’t any feelings or very few feelings. If the same person said, “I love you, (name) ______________ ” more than likely feelings will be stronger. I have found through questioning that names are often inside of our bodies. Have a loved one say both of these statements either in-person or on the phone and notice the differences. After “You” have done this, listen to this audio to find out where your “I” is located:
Why it is important to have your “I “ inside your body and your “You” outside your body for these reasons:
1. If your “I” is outside when you make internal dialogue “I” statements it is unlikely to motivate you or give you a Sense of Self. Listen to next audio
2. If your “You” is outside that is fine! If it is inside, personally I would move it about 3 feet away or further if your “You” gives unpleasant feelings.
Integration of your “I”
Integration of your me, myself, your names, and your spirit: