This is a 16 – minute “Deep Dive” audio into the inner world of a man paralyzed from the neck down – a man who chooses internal peace over physical recovery.
In 1979, my next-door neighbor was in a car accident. I am writing about this in 2026.
On the way to the hospital, the ambulance got into another accident.
He survived – but at 27 years old, he was paralyzed from the neck down. He had a little shoulder movement. That was it.
I visited Jeff (not his real name) numerous times in the hospital and later in a nursing home in Tomball, Texas. One day, after not seeing him for a couple of months, I called to ask if I could visit. He said yes – and asked me to bring him some Whataburger hamburgers.
When I walked into his room, he had a headset on. A cassette player sat on his chest.
About 15 minutes later, the tape clicked off. He opened his eyes and said, “Hi.”
I asked, “Jeff, where have you been?”
He said, “Fly fishing on a trout stream in Colorado.”
A woman had given him guided-imagery tapes. For a while, he could leave that room.
I helped feed him and after he finished eating, curiosity got the better of me. I knew he couldn’t feel anything from the neck down, so I asked:
“Have you ever imagined being able to walk again?”
He looked at me and said something I’ve never forgotten.
“A few months ago, I had a bowel obstruction. Before surgery, the medication hit me. It was like God walked up and asked if I wanted to walk again – just like you just did.”
I said, “What did you say?”
He said, “I told Him no.”
I was stunned. “Why?”
He said:
“Because if I could walk again, I’d have to feel all those emotions in my body again. And now I don’t feel those. The people here treat me well. I’m pretty happy. Happiest I’ve ever been.”
An hour later, I was driving down the highway, looking at the skyline of Houston.
Office towers. Thousands of people in cubicles. Financially successful. Mobile. Free.
And I thought:
This man in a nursing home at 28 might be happier than half the people in those buildings.
That realization hit me harder than any psychology book ever has.
What he really chose
He wasn’t choosing paralysis.
He was choosing freedom from emotional suffering.
His injury didn’t just shut down his body. It reduced:
• Pressure
• Expectation
• Comparison
• Performance demands
• “What do I have to do to be okay?”
The nursing home gave him:
• Predictability
• Care without performance
• No identity competition
• No future pressure
For his nervous system, that meant safety.
And when the nervous system feels safe after years of emotional strain, suffering drops – even if the outside looks tragic.
The part most people don’t want to see
We think:
Better job = better life
Better body = better life
More freedom = better life
But the nervous system doesn’t run on status.
It runs on:
Am I safe?
Am I under threat?
How heavy is my emotional load?
You can lose almost everything on the outside and finally feel peace.
That day, I understood something that shaped my life and my work:
Humans are emotional beings first.
Change the emotional experience, and the meaning of life changes.
Not the job.
Not the city.
Not the body.
The felt emotional landscape.
Back then it would be another 5- years before I stopped my PTSD flashbacks. I understood Jeff. Jeff validated me.
Most people spend their whole lives trying to fix the outside while dragging the same internal storm everywhere they go.
He lost his body’s freedom..
.. and escaped the emotional war most people never get out.
About ten years later, I realized Jeff was after what he had as a fetus – “Peace” :
https://clintmatheny.com/just-what-is-peace-2/
Clint77090@Gmail.Com